Gravissimum Educationis Proclaimed By His Holy-Mess, Father Fencl


1.       Father Fencl has issued a decree calling for  a Group Run this evening for those not Cardio-Vardoing.  Please meet at 5:30 PM at the Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts.

2.       Father Fencl reminds those following  the Liturgy of the Hills  that the meeting point next Monday is the Brother Mullins homestead at 5:30 PM.

3.       Father Fencl says there is a fine run this weekend – Friendly Sons of the Pioneers or something  in Des Moines.  See Fitness Sports website.


Stash the Trash

Hey, Vardo’s -

Vardo Dave Kraemer has located five areas still available for clean-up  this weekend for Stash the Trash.

Here’s a link:     Stash the Trash 2008

And here’s Dave’s message:

 We know about the Vardos’ capacity for trash talk.


But we’re talking stash!


(No, not that kind. Put the baggie away)


Here are a few spots around town that could use some VLC:


Bloomington Road, Stange to George Washington Carver

George Washington Carver, Bloomington to 190th

South 16th Street, University to Duff

Stange Road, Ontario to Bloomington

South Dakota, Highway 30 interchange to Lincoln Way


Anything you do is great.







Absolute Performance Upcoming Clinics

From Sister The Goodman:

From: Kecia Goodman []
Sent: 03/26/2008 1:18 PM
To: George klotzbach
Subject: Fwd: Upcoming Clinics


Will you please forward this on to the group for me???  Thanks!!

Alyssa Subbert <> wrote:

Date: Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:11:36 -0500
From: "Alyssa Subbert" <>

Hi everyone,


Just wanted to remind you about tomorrow night's lecture and let you know about some other upcoming programs. Here is the quick list of programs and then I have included descriptions below:


Wednesday March 26th from 6-8pm   Fueling Peak Performance: Nutrition for the Athlete 

Saturday April 5th  from 1-3:30pm   Running Clinic   

Wed April 16th from 6-7:30pm  Why am I dizzy: What is Positional Vertigo

Saturday April 12th from 2-3:15  Running Camp (6 sessions)

Saturday May 10th from 1-3:30  Running Clinic

Sunday June 1st from 1-3:30  Jump Clinic

Saturday June 7th from 1-2:15  Jump Camp (4 sessions)

Wed June 11th from 6-7:15 am  Jump Camp (4 sessions)


All clinics and camps will be held at Absolute Performance Therapy in Waukee at 205 NE Dartmoor Drive


RSVP required, please contact Alyssa at 987-6267 or



Here are the descriptions of the classes:





                 -Food athletes should avoid and can hinder performance

                 -What foods increase the body's endurance during competition

                 -What nutrients help the body recover from hard practices/games

                 -How do muscles use and convert energy

                 -What is a good pre-game and pre-practice meal

When: March 26 from 6-8 p.m.

Cost: Free





                  -Biomechanics of running and how to improve form

                  -Causes of common injuries

                  -Why is core critical to breath support and running form

                  -The importance of proper shoes both for sport and work

                  -Training to get more out of doing less

                  -What can weight lifting do to improve endurance

                  -How diet effects energy level and endurance


When: Saturday April 5th from 1-3:30

Cost: Free




           CAMP WILL INCLUDE...

                   -Instruction on proper running form and technique

                   -Instruction in core recuitment and training

                   -Drills to improved explosive power and core strength

                   -Strength training for running endurance

                   -Home activity instruction to improve running form

                   -Flexibilty work to improve stride length and lung capacity


When- Six sessions on Saturdays from 2-3:15 starting April 13th leading up to Dam to Dam.

Cost-$180.00 for all six sessions or $40.00 per session





                     -Causes of dizziness and what you should know

                     -How to treat recurrent dizziness

                     -What is Positional vertigo and how do you treat it

                     -Medication side effects


When-April 16th from 6-8 p.m.





                      -The most common injuries found in jumping sports

                      -Injury prevention, stretching, and shoe selection

                      -The biomechanics of jumping and how to improve vertigo leap

                      -Weight lifting and proper plyometric training for improved vertigo leap

                      -Interactive jump training demos and drills to improve explosive power

                      -The role of core strength in vertical leap and landing control 

                      -Improving transition speed and reaction time in competition


When-Saturday June 1st from 1-3:30  




                     -Instruction in proper jump form and technique

                     -Instruction in core recruitment and training

                     -Drills to improve explosive power and reaction time

                     -Strength training for vertical leap

                     -Home activity instruction to improve vertical leap

                     -Flexabilty work to improve vertical leap


When-Wednesday mornings from 6-7:15 a.m. ( June 11th, 18th, 25th and July 2nd ) or

Saturday afternoons from 1-2:15 p.m.  ( June 7th, 14th, 21st and 28th )

Cost-$120.00 for four sessions $270.00 for eight sessions or $40.00 per session


Alyssa Subbert PT
Absolute Performance Therapy PC
205 NE Dartmoor Drive
Waukee, Iowa
Phone: 987-6267 Fax 987-6269


We Yield The Floor To The Senator From The Great Avenue of Hayes, Michael Q. Mullins

1. Hills group meets at my place (Casa de Mullins) at 5:30pm on 3/24 and 3/31.  On 4/7 we will meet at Emma M. Lee park (not to be confused with Tommy Lee park, a place only burnouts really go to anyway).

2. Saturday is Ames' annual "Stash the Trash" day.  Is anyone interested in getting a Vardo group together to pick up trash following our run?  I could organize.  Details here:
There's FREE LUNCH at Reiman Gardens following garbage pickup.  I know of a couple places that desperately need a good cleanup.  A few trucks might come in handy as well. 

3. Some races I am seeking carpoolers for:

4/26/08 Drake Relays Half Mara/8K (DSM)
4/30/08 Klompen Classic 5K (Pella -- Weds evening)
5/3/08  Pilot Knob Trail Race (near Forest City)

If anyone is interested in these, please let me know and we can arrange driving details.  The latter two I probably won't do if I am going alone --  thanks $3 gas!

4. I signed up for the Chicago Marathon.  Rich Bundy threatened to put a hold on my diploma if I didn't.  I hope to make it at least 15 miles this time. 

MooseCakes The Easy Way:   Just Point, Blast, and Cook

The new GU:     Organic Batter Blaster ™ - Original Pancake and Waffle Batter

Group Runs / Activities This Week


Tuesday:              5:30 PM Group Run – Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts.  Route:   6th Avenue Heartache

Wednesday:      Today, be a pilotfish riding shotgun with a shark:   Along for the swim and loving every minute of it.

Thursday:            5:30 Cardio-Vardio – Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts.  Bring your heart rate monitor and a portable defibrillator. Clear!!     

Saturday:             Your RouteMaster:   The Luv Doktor of Linden Drive, Mr. Christopher Q. Delaney 
Sunday:                It’s Sara Lehman’s birthday.  Help her celebrate by skipping your monthly mortgage payment.

"VEISHEA Voyage" Torch Run

From Our Friend Mike Clayton:


From: Mike Clayton []
Sent: 03/23/2008 9:54 PM
To: Mike Clayton
Subject: Fw: "VEISHEA Voyage" Torch Run


Please note that, due to spring break, the sign-up deadline has been extended to March 25th.



The VEISHEA Voyage Torch Run Committee is looking for runners to assist in the torch run, which will take place on Saturday, April 5th and Sunday, April 6th.  They plan to run torches from both the Missouri and Minnesota state lines to Ames.  The event was moved from weekdays last year to a weekend this year in the hopes that they might attract more runners.  If interested, please contact Mike Clayton NO LATER THAN MARCH 25th.  Application forms can be found at  For more information on the event and the two routes, see the attachments.




The Other Bill:  Part I      (3 miles)

“Here is the three-miler route for Tuesday:   I’m feeling under the weather so I’m not sure if I’ll be there.  I didn’t provide for water on the long run.  Shame on me.”   Bill P.

The Other Bill:  Part II    (6 miles)

Bill Pattinson thinks that you should check out the workout he/she just plotted online:

Bill Pattinson says, "Hi George: Kindly share the (hopefully)attached run with all our Vardo Friends. Depending on my then state of health, I may be present to run a few of those miles. I didn't provide for water given the route's length and the ambient temperature. That, and I was too lazy to come up with a better plan. I'll develop a three-miler (Editor’s Note:  See above) for those who, like me, may not feel like contributing a longer effort. The Other Bill"

A Message From An Injured Vardo

“Gimpy Walnut Lady just wanted to say "hi" to everyone.  I sure hope I am healed by Spring so I can run again.  Perhaps in time for thunderstorm runs on Saturday mornings.  Hope I am not on the schedule for planning runs.  Probably Chrissy will cover for me if I am.  Just wanted to say "hey"   
Dawn Howerton

The Winter From Hell:   How I Lost My Girlish Figure


Well, the signs were all there.  And I should have known. The Dockers were getting a little snug. Mr. Delaney would drive by in the morning, and not wave, and I’d get all emotional.  I was craving El Azteca for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And I’d write sentences and leave out the periods 

So you add it all up:  Heavier, weepy, craving food, and missing periods.  Yes, Vardos, I’m pregnant.  So stop calling me fat.   gjk

Group Runs / Activities This Week

Tuesday:              5:30 PM Group Run – Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts (see Bill One, and Bill Two, The Sequel, above)
Wednesday:      It’s Art’s birthday!  In moose years, he’s just entering poo-berty.
Thursday:            5:30 PM Group Run – Ada Vardaman Martin Q. Jischke (it’s Jess-key, dammit!) Memorial Heritage Wildlife Park (north side)
Saturday:             Your RouteMaster:  The Baron of Biodiesel – Dave Eisenbast


Message From Ames Area Running Club

Hey Vardo’s -  Look what our ol ‘pal Mike Clayton is cookin’ up:


From: Mike Clayton []
Sent: 03/13/2008 8:29 PM
To: Mike Clayton
Subject: Reminder for Frozen Foot Run and Other "Stuff"



AARC's March/St. Patrick's Frozen Foot Run will be held at 1:00 PM on Sunday, March 16 at the Somerset Club House.  As usual, bring three bucks, at least two cans of veggies (one for the stew and the rest for the food bank), and a friend.  Oh, yeah...And wear GREEN!



Upcoming Running Activities:


The VEISHEA Voyage Torch Run Committee is looking for runners to assist in the torch run, which will take place on Saturday, April 5th and Sunday, April 6th.  They plan to run torches from both the Missouri and Minnesota state lines to Ames.  The event was moved from weekdays last year to a weekend this year in the hopes that they might attract more runners.  If interested, please contact Mike Clayton NO LATER THAN MARCH 22nd.  For more information on the event and the two routes, see the attachments.


Other Upcoming Events


March 30th:     Friendly Sons of St. Patrick (West Des Moines; 10K, 5K)

April 5th:          Loop the Lake (Des Moines; 8K, 2M Walk)

April 5th:          Where the Rubber Meets the Road (Iowa Speedway at Newton; 8K)

April 12th:        AIDS Project of Central Iowa (Des Moines; 5K, 1M Walk)

April 13th:        Doughnut Run (Ames Brookside Park; 5K)

April 19th:        SCAVMA Scamper (ISU Vet Med; 10K, 5K)

April 19th:        Envirun (Ames Ada Hayden Park; 5K) 

April 19th:        Blues for Greens II (Des Moines; 5K)

April 26th:        Drake Relays (Drake; 1/2 Marathon, 8K)

May 3rd:          Beat the Street (Nevada; 8K, 2M Walk)   See Nancy Willert!

May 11th:        TIMTAM (Ames; TIMTAM 50K, Central States Marathon, World Championship 11 Mile)  or talk to Doug Bryner

May 17th:        WHAMM (Windsor Heights; 10K, 5K)  Entry form is attached.



...and from Nancy Willert:

Mike, an organization in town called Krysilis is sponsoring a first ever Biathlon (Bike/Run). I know that those of us who have participated in true biathlons and true duathlons are used to a different label for such events BUT it is what it is and it should be a fun BIKE/RUN.  The event is April 26, 2008  at 1:30pm with Men’s, Women’s, Team and Youth Divisions: a 15 mile bike followed by a 5K run. Entry is $30.00 for individual and $40 for team.  There is also a Family Recreation Division which is 3.5 mile bike and 1 mile run/walk  which takes place at 3:30pm and is $15 per family. Anyone who is a Lighten up Iowa participant gets $5.00 discount on entry fee.  There will be entry forms produced soon but in the meantime should anyone have questions please call Sherry Newsome at (515)328-5520.


Nancy Willert, BSN and Head Nurse

Director of Health Promotions

Story County Medical Center



Mike Clayton

Keeper of the Email List

Team Vardo: We've Got The Runs



1.       The Vardo has called a special “Welcome Back Spring” group run this evening.  Meet at the Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts at 5:30 PM

2.       The location for the Group Run on Thursday evening (5:30 PM) has been moved to the JC Penney parking lot (west side).

3.       Saturday’s Group Run:  Meet at 8:00 AM at the Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts.

4.       Danielle Husain-Wain has been found.  She has joined the re-election campaign for Congressman Steve King, and is busy organizing street dances in Pakistan.



First Up:  On The Ball Brendan Finn:

“Here are the routes for Tuesday:”

5 mile:
start Vardo-Center, north on Northwestern, west on 13th

north on Stange, east on 24th

south on Northwestern

3 mile:
start at Vardo-Center

north on Northwestern

east on 20th

south on Clark

From The Runner’s Flat Monthly Newsletter

There is a little red video camera icon that you have to clink in the following link to watch the video.  It starts out (and ends) with some dorky “happy talk” with the “news” anchors, but, hey, free is free:

A Message From Art – A Moose With  A Heart


Please see attached .doc file.

And What Is Art Doing In This Picture?  (see attached)

Why, he’s snorkeling at Ada Vardaman Warren Q. Madden Heritage Memorial Park, that’s what.  Talk about your cross-training  . . wonder what’s up with the high visibility green  . . .. is that a tattoo on his ass?  . . . . ..

Group Runs / Activities This Week

Tuesday               5:30 PM Group Run – Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts (Route per Brendan – see above)

Wednesday        Long story short:  Our star trekking ancestors will be able to converse in real time no matter where they are.
Wednesday        Sister Goodman’s birthday.   Sister Goodman is a Founding Aunt of Team Vardo,  and is a valuable asset that we are depreciating.

Thursday             Mary, Queen of 16th Street’s birthday.  Mary Schrunk has relatively low utility to Team Vardo. She is an Administrative Cost/Overhead.
Thursday             5:30 PM Group Run - A fine pre-Spring evening at Ada Hayden Memorial Heritage Park.  Come tiptoe through the tulips with Tom (Schultz).

Saturday              Sing to  the tune of “Oh Yes, We Have No Bananas”:  Oh Yes, We Have No RouteMaster; We Have No RouteMaster todaaaaaayyyy . .

Alert - Group Run Tonight



Father Fencl has just announced a group run to commence at 5:30 PM at the Campustown Clocktower (Welch Avenue).  There’s a picnic table or something across the street from the Welch Ave Fire Station or whatever.  Meet there.


Our Mother Reminds Us To Clean Our Plates.  And Attend A Meeting:

“Can you please remind the Team 12.4 graduates (via the VardoGram) that this Tuesday night at 7:30pm will be the Team 12.4 Informational Meeting in the City Hall lunchroom. Team 12.4 shirts are appreciated, but not necessary.  Many thanks.”    The Vardo

Speaking of Team 12.4 Graduates . . .

A message (and request) from the Mayor of Northeast Story City: 

“Well, I did it.  I signed up for the Team 12.4 class again and I plan to start some running to get ready for it real soon.  Maybe tomorrow or the next day.  Or maybe the day after that.  Or maybe when it warms up and the ice goes away and I lose 10 pounds so that I can walk up a flight of stairs without being winded.  I think I have to start all over again so that someday I can keep up with you (Editor’s Note – this would be gjk, and this will not be a problem) and Bill (Editor’s Note – this would be Bill , not the Other Bill) again.  I have hopes anyway. I think I am supposed to be route master on Saturday the 15th (or whenever) but I won’t be able to make it that day.  Can you put out an announcement that I need someone to take over for me that day?  I would appreciate it.
”   John Q. Moran

Arton The Barton :  A Well-Defined Bum?

A wonderful item from the Intelligently Designed / Anatomically Correct Art Barton:      News in Science - I run, therefore I am

Hooked On Phonics Strikes Again


Young Timothy Fencl is 5 and learning to read at the Our Lady of Vardo kindergarten.  He points at a picture in a zoo book and says,  "Look Sister Goodman!      It's a frickin' Elephant!"  Deep breath . . "What did you call it?"   . . . "It's a frickin' Elephant, Sister Goodman!  It says so on the picture!"  And so it does ...  "A f r i c a n   Elephant "  

Group Runs / Activities This Week

Tuesday:         5:30 PM Group Run – Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts
Tuesday:         7:30 PM “So You Wanna Be A Vardo” informational meeting (per above)
Wednesday:    Oh sure, you turned off the circuit breaker before you started working. But are you really sure it was the right one?
Thursday:        Group Run? Maybe?
Saturday:        Your RouteMaster:  The Duke of Ferndale, Sir Craig Walter

FW: Ames Hills - Spring 2008



From: m m []
Sent: 03/03/2008 4:27 PM
To: George Klotzbach
Subject: Ames Hills - Spring 2008


Hi George,

Here is a copy of the Ames Monday hill workouts for Spring 2008.  We'll start on the 10th and go up until Dam to Dam.  Please see the document for details.

Could you please distribute this to the group?  Thank you!


PS: Dam to Dam is open for registration: