Drake Marathon / Half Marathon

No report.

A Fine Message From Sister The Goodman

“Here is tonight's route from the "Vardo Center for Performing Arts" aka City Hall.  See you all at 5:30!!  It should be great running weather!!”

A Fine Message From Natalie of The North

“Here is the route for Saturday.  Start at Stuart Smith Park corner of 4th and University.  For those wanting to do close to 9, lets meet at 7:30.  If you are wanting only to run the last half, join us around 8:00 (probably more like 8:10-8:15).  Water will be at Stuart Smith Park.”

Group Runs / Activities This Week

Sat/Sun:               It was  windy and 48 degrees.  And we froze our gonad(s) off.
Tuesday:              5:30 PM Group Run – Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts. 
Wednesday:      When the lilacs are bloomin’, it’s time to go ‘shroomin’.
Thursday:            5:30 Cardio-Vardio.  Tempo Run.  Meet at location TBD by The Vardo.  Come see what’s new in  the 2008 Ford Tempo!
Thursday:            I think I screwed up last week and failed to announce that Father Fencl wanted a Thursday group run.  Father, forgive me. Mother, may I, etc.
Saturday:             Your RouteMistress:   Natalie of the North, per above
Monday:              5:30 PM -  Emma McCarthy Lee Harvey Oswald Park Hill Climb.  Meet Brother Mullins at upper parking lot (near book depository)



Fresh From Nurse Franken’s Garden

This is what happens when you fertilize with something scooped from the MGMC compost heap . . . . . the one reserved for biohazards . . . . See attached. 

Tuesday’s Route

Father Fencl has finished changing the oil in the Popemobile, and now offers this:

2 Miles:  (5th east to duff north to 13th west to clark south to 5th back home)
“If anybody wants to run more, we can decide the route at the start.”  Father Fencl

(Editor’s Note:  On Tuesday night, let’s rescue the Mayor of Northeast Story City, i.e., John Q. Moran, and make him re-join The Men of Vardo.  It’s disturbing to watch him drink the purple Kool-Aid served up by The Vardo and her merry band of Team 12.4 Yearning For Zion wackos. )

A Fine Link From George J. Klotzbach:  A Tree-Hugging, Granola-Eating, Bed-Wetting NPR Listener/Addict

And proud of it, thank you very little.  Now on to the show:  Marathon Day in Boston : NPR

Group Runs / Activities This Week

Tuesday:              5:30 PM Group Run – Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts. 
Tuesday:              Holy Subway Cold Cut Trio On Wheat  – It’s Kirsten Peterson’s Birthday
Wednesday:      Miraculously, as Kori ripped off the protective wrapper, the Clif Bar began to speak.
Thursday:            5:30 Cardio-Vardio.  Meet at Colo Bogs - Bring your duck call, a 12 gauge, a box of shells, and a covered dish to share.
Thursday:            5:30 PM Group Run (?)
Saturday:             Drake Half and Full Marathon
Saturday:             Group Run for Non-Drakers? 
Monday:              5:30 PM -  The Hills Are Alive With The Sound of Brother Mullins:  Meet at Inis Grove Park (tennis court parking lot)


Saturday Run Information

Aloha, Vardos. 
Welcome to the Sunshine State.  How ‘bout a fine message from Queen Schrunkarunka’koa.   Book ‘em, Dan-o:



Dear Vardo Nation,


This Groundhog may have been in hiding but with my shadow lurking no more, I come out to host this Saturday April the 19th group run.

Mary Queen of 16th Street

See you all Saturday!



We will begin at 8am.  Cock-a-doodle doooo!

809 16th Street (just west of Grand Ave.)

*Parking in the driveway is fine.



There will be an out and back 4 mile route:

East on 16th Street

Swing right on Carr Drive

Right (South) on Meadow Lane

Left (East) on 13th Street

To Harley-Davidson Zylrstra shop and turn around the way you came and head back.

Hills are fun on your return!


More fun and more hills and flavor of the country...The 7 mile route:

Begin as 4 milers.

On 13th Street turn Left (North-ish) on Stagecoach Road.  Gravel road

Left (West) on E. Riverside -this is 4 miles and a waterstop

At US Hwy 69 cross over to Ada Hayden or Left (South) on the side of Hwy

Hook up with Dawes Ave. (South) 

At the top of Dawes Hill, cross Top-0-Hollow

Continue South on bike path along Grand Ave.

Right (west) on 20th Street

Left (south) on Ferndale

Wind on Ferndale (wave to Kori and Craig's house)

Left on Roosevelt back to 16th Street!


Treats and water and Gatorade at home base. 


Unky Klotzbach promises we can all play What Color Is Your Mucus?".  

VardoGram - Special Snot Edition

Tuesday's Route:  From the Schmitt Factory

Pictures from the London Marathon:  From Arton d’Barton

Professor Schultz’s Most Excellent Adventure

Keep track of Tom’s trip around the globe at

Just In Time For The Holidays

Here at Casa del Klotzbach, we are putting the final touches on a new board game we are calling ”What Color Is Your Mucus?”.   Players select from a fine array of sinus tablets, lozenges, nasal swabs, cold/flu liquid remedies, etc.  Then, after thirty minutes or so, the contestant blows into a Kleenex and describes the contents to their opponent, using a little wheel with color suggestions. We have been playing/testing this game since Saturday, and have yet to figure out how one is selected as the “winner”. Son of a biscuit, these damned colds (insert phrase that is unbecoming to an officer and a gentleman).

Group Runs / Activities This Week

Tuesday:              5:30 PM Group Run – Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts. 
Wednesday:      Tell 'em Team Vardo sent you and they'll laugh so hard, they might even cry.

Thursday:            5:30 Cardio-Vardio.  Meet at Hilton parking lot (corner of South 4th and University Blvd)
Thursday:            5:30 PM Group Run – Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts. Your hosts:  Father Fencl and Brother Mullins
Saturday:             Your RouteMaster:   Mary, Queen of 16th Street
Monday:              5:30 PM McFarland Park Hill Climb Series.  Meet at McFarland Park for a series of hill climbs. McFarland Park. Climb hills. Repeat.


Saturday's Run

Men of Vardo:

Your attention is directed to the following message from Art the Barton.  I will grant you that the mental picture of Art nursing a calf is a bit troubling.  Nonetheless, clear the room of women and small children, and read on:



The Double Espresso 6-miler


Start – Café Diem at 7:00 AM

Turn Around – The Café (Water in bed of white Jeep truck parked behind The Café) Finish – Café Diem


Route Details: Starting at Café Diem (229 Main Street) at 7:00 AM head west on Main to Northwestern, north on Northwestern to 9th, west on 9th to Ridgewood, north on Ridgewood to 20th, east on 20th to Hayes, north on Hayes to 24th, west on 24th to Kent, north on Kent to Northridge Parkway, west on Northridge Parkway to The Café (2616 Northridge Parkway), return in reverse.


First Note:  For Vardo’s anticipating they may not remember the route (symptoms of severe caffeine withdrawal) I have included an attachment that can be printed and worn like a race bib; this will readily identify your need to be pointed towards the nearest coffee shop.


Second Note: You may have noticed my absence from the group runs of late, it’s because I have been busy nursing a sore calf.  When the little fella is better I’ll be back out on the trails with you again.


Art Barton, RM for April 12, 2008


A Reminder From Father Fencl – “In the Running 5K

Date:   This Thursday
Event Start:   4:30 PM   (Meet at 4:00 at Frederiksen Court for a 2 mile Vardo Warm-Up / Sign-in / Packet Pickup)
Fee:  $15 (pre-register) 
The 5K race will begin at Frederiksen Court, wind through Central Campus and conclude back at Frederiksen Court. VEISHEA 5k t-shirts will be given to the first 100 runners to sign up. Walk-ins will be allowed but will be charged $20 on the day of the race. Participants are encouraged to use free nearby parking in lots 120 and 29B just west of Stange and lot 114 north of 13th St.  Participants are further encouraged to remind Father Fencl to refrain from following too closely behind the young women from the I Felta Thi house.

There He Goes Again (Again)

So the sun finally comes out, the ice melts off Lake Ada-Hayda-VardaMan, and Art takes a breather from yet another snorkeling adventure (see attached).

Confirmed Sighting Of A Rare Vardo

Last night, walking home from the fine public library, noted Vardologist G. Klotzbach and NatureGurl K. Klotzbach sighted a rather fast moving creature believed to have been the Ivory-Billed Wainbird.  Ten minutes later, the identification was confirmed when the Wainbird was again sighted east of Mary Greeley Vardaman Memorial Heritage Non-Profit Medical Construction Zone Hospital.  Several calls were made to the Wainbird in an attempt to lure it closer for observation, and perhaps throw it a GU.  However, the Wainbird had its iPod earbuds so far in that it would have taken an emergency trabulectomy to extract the toxic fluids and pressure accumulating from an overexposure to The Village People’s Greatest Hits Vol. 2.

Group Runs / Activities This Week

Tuesday:              5:30 PM Group Run – Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts. 
Wednesday:      This is the gold standard, gentleman. This is flavor country. This is Miller time.

Thursday:            5:30 Cardio-Vardio. 
Thursday:            Today is Dawn Howerton’s birthday.  Let’s go find a walnut tree and kick its .. .. tires .. . . .
Thursday:            In The Running 5K (see above)
Saturday:             Your RouteMaster:   The Art of Barton
Monday:              5:30 PM Meadowlane Hill Climb.  Meet at Inis Grove Park, E 24th Street (tennis court parking lot)


Running Survey

From: Kecia Goodman []
Sent: 04/07/2008 10:06 AM
To: George klotzbach
Subject: Fwd: Fw: Running Survey


Can you please forward this to the group!!  Thanks!!

Mike Clayton <> wrote:

From: "Mike Clayton" <>

Please take a couple of minutes to fill out a short questionnaire (only ten questions) regarding your running activity.  The confidential survey is being used by an ISU advertising class.  It took me less than a minute to fill it out (and I type slowly). 


The survey can be found at the link below.  Please take part during this coming week.


Mike Clayton

Keeper of the AARC Email List



----- Original Message -----

From: Don Muff Sr.

Sent: Friday, April 04, 2008 1:17 PM

Subject: FW: Running Survey


Hi Mike

I've been going back and forth on this with Sara---and  she has come up with a form that is easy to use and can
be submitted to the web site she is using immediately upon completion.  The survey questions are very straight- forward, so hopefully a large # of AARC members will participate. You may want to also forward this  to Team Vardo.

See the initial message from Sara for background info. 



> To:
> From:
> Subject: RE: Ames Running Club
> Date: Thu, 3 Apr 2008 17:48:08 -0500
> Hi Don
> I think I made this a little easier. I made it an online survey so people can
> simply hop online and answer the short questionnaire.
> Here's the link to the online questionnaire:
> If they have any questions, they can email me at my email address
> Thanks again so much Don!
> Sara R.


Subject: Ames Running Club
Date: Mon, 31 Mar 2008 18:56:38 -0500

Hi Don,

My name is Sara and I'm a student at Iowa State University. I'm working on the account team for Cardinal & Gold Advertising, which is an ISU student run advertising agency. We're currently working on a marathon campaign for a client and I'm researching runners in the ISU/Ames community.  I have a questionnaire that I would like to distribute to various running clubs throughout the community. The survey results will be strictly confidential and we will only use the results for anonymous research purposes.  Would it be alright if I got some members of the Ames running club to fill some of the questionnaires out?

If you have any questions or anything, let me know!

Thanks Don,

Sara Ragaller
Iowa State University
Cardinal & Gold Advertising Agency

Note from Father Fencl



From: Timothy Fencl []
Sent: 04/01/2008 2:29 PM
To: Klotzbach
Subject: RE: VardoGram


editor's note:
the veishea road race is on the provided link (in the VardoGram) under THURS. APRIL 10 and it's
Please send out.  Thanks.

Tonight's Route

An important message from The Bishop:


From: Randy Sacco []
Sent: 04/01/2008 8:28 AM
To: Klotzbach
Subject: Re: VardoGram


Hey George:

Please forward tonight’s route. It’s 3.5 (double for 7). Holy Water and Gatorade in my SUV.

Bishop Sacco



Hey Look:  Here’s Margaret With Saturday’s Route Already!


Here are the routes.  Meet in the northwest corner of HyVee West parking lot.  Everyone can have breakfast at HyVee on return.


HyVee West 12 miler begins at 7:30 a.m.

Water located close to sop sign on corner of Ash and Mortenson, and at the exit of the trail onto 13th street.

I’ll have the water out, but won’t be at HyVee for start.


HyVee West 6 miler begin at 8:30

Water located close to stop sign on corner of Ash and Mortenson. Kathy and I will be at start.


HyVee West 4 miler begin at 8:30 (No water)


See you Saturday,   Margaret

From Last Sunday’s Our Lady Of Vardo Church Bulletin:  A Message From Father Fencl

“See the following link to register for the VEESHAW road race. Brother Mullins and I did the race last year and it's a grand old time, w/plenty of catered digs at the end. 15 bucks online registration.  So if you want to feel old (cuz most of the runners are college kids) and slow, this is the race for you.”  Father F.

There He Goes Again . . .

For the love of Pete, or for that matter, Bill (either one), would somebody please take that damned snorkel and mask away from Art?   I can’t tell if that’s Jeff Bradshaw or Tim Rasmussen belaying.  Doesn’t matter. We’re all guilty of contributing to the delinquency of a Moose.  (see attached)

Group Runs / Activities This Week

Tuesday:              5:30 PM Group Run – Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts. 
Wednesday:      Where's our crack legal team when we need them? Probably out ice fishing in Missouri again.

Thursday:            5:30 Cardio-Vardio.  I believe the meeting point is the Hilton Coliseum parking lot (SE Corner, across from Stuart Smith Park)
Saturday:             Yet another birthday of a Founding Aunt of Team Vardo:  Our good friend, the long lost Kimberly Donner
Saturday:             Your RouteMaster:   Margaret (per above) 
Monday:              5:30 PM Hyland Hill Climb.  Meet at Emma McCarthy Tommy Lee Park on Ross Road (upper parking lot) 4.75 miles