FW: Routes for Tuesday 7/29 Group Run

Good gravy, the last thing I need is hugs/kisses/STD’s from Professor Schultz . . . . keep your hands to yourself, big boy . . . .
I must say that, for some odd reason, I periodically enjoy a big bear hug from Father Fencl . . . . he’s just so dreamy . . . . .. . sigh . . .



From: Pederson, Erin L [COUNS] [mailto:pederson@iastate.edu]
Sent: 07/28/2008 8:12 AM
To: George Klotzbach
Cc: Tom Schultz
Subject: Routes for Tuesday 7/29




Here are some Vardoriffic 4- and 9-mile routes for Tuesday 7/29. I hope you like them, as it's my first time as Routemaster. If not, please blame Tom, since he helped me to acquire the routes. ;-)


4-mile route: http://www.usatf.org/routes/view.asp?rID=181260

9-mile route: http://www.usatf.org/routes/view.asp?rID=18782

For the 9-mile route, water and gatorade will be behind the Somerset sign on 24th & Stange (a Vardo favorite spot).

Tom asked me to pass along "hugs and kisses" to the Vardos...or maybe that was meant for me. Can never tell with him. Hopefully we can ask him on the Tuesday run.


EriN :)


Erin Pederson, Ph.D.
Staff Psychologist
Student Counseling Service
Iowa State University
front desk: 515-294-5056
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent
 about things that matter."
--Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Saturday's routes

VardoNation - Your attention is directed to the following message from the Sultanette of Subway:



From: Kirstin Peterson [mailto:KPeterson@iowasubwaydev.com]
Sent: 07/24/2008 4:56 PM
To: George J. Klotzbach
Subject: Saturday's routes


Good Afternoon Uncle George,


I've put together two routes for Saturday and am hoping that you can get the information out to the masses please. 


There is a 17+ a little route and a 5.something available for your running pleasure.  The 17+ can also easily be adjusted to an almost half marathon or a 5K depending on your Saturday running wishes.  Both routes start and end at my home at 1106 Johnson Street (brown townhomes directly behind JC Penney, mine has two red stars hanging by the garage door).  I suggest a start time of 6:00 am for the 17+ and 7:30 am for the 5.something's, as this should allow for everyone to finish at about the same time.  Water will be available for both with PowerAde available on the 17+ miler and back at my house with the proper carb replenishment breakfast fare (read: donuts, rolls, OJ, etc.) at the end of all runs. 


Here are the links for the routes on "map my run".  If you need written directions, just let me know I would be happy to get them to you. 

17+ miles with water/PowerAde stops at Kecia's driveway (4.5 miles...Kecia I hope this is OK), the corner of Cameron School Road and George Washington Carver (8.25ish miles), 1106 Johnson (13.1ish miles), and at the corner of Jensen and Barr Drive (15 miles).  http://www.mapmyrun.com/route/us/ia/ames/32644803

5.something miles (there will be a water stop at the corner of Jensen and Barr Drive at approximately 3 miles).  http://www.mapmyrun.com/route/us/ia/ames/19213286

Thanks Everyone!  I hope to see you on Saturday!


Happy Running!



Kirstin K. Peterson

Administrative Assistant


Iowa Subway Development

503 Duff Avenue l P.O Box 2377

Ames l IA l 50010

P. 515.232.0239 l F. 515.232.0716


“There is no such thing as failure as long as one tries. The only failure is not to try.” ~ Sister Madonna Buder, Ironman Legend



Subway's Mission... "to provide the tools and knowledge to empower entrepreneurs to profitably compete in the Quick Service Restaurant industry...by consistently offering customers Great Value - driven by fresh, great tasting "made to order" food, an exceptional service experience, spotlessly clean stores and an inviting atmosphere."

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Habitat for Humanity 500 Report

Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.  I’m here to tell you that Team Vardo brought home yet another victory last Saturday morning in Monticello, MN at the conclusion of the 2008 Habitat for Humanity bike ride. Here are the stats:

Miles Ridden:                       500 +
Food/Assorted Carbs Consumed:    5,329,327,932 metric tons

Human Waste Produced:                6,444,300,744 metric tons 
Net Weight Loss:               8 pounds (true)

Condition of Rear End:  Well worn, yet moderately supple.  Like a good baseball glove.
Weather:                 Central Minnesota-ish delightful

See GJK if you want info on next year’s ride. Man, you can’t believe how they feed and take care of you on this adventure . .    

A Message From One Clean Moose

“Anyone buying laundry detergent in ORANGE bottles, save them if you get them empty before August 30th!  I don't care what brand, it just needs to be in an orange bottle.  I'm on the GAAR race committee and we need them to use as buoys to define the canoe/kayak race lane.  We will be putting them out on Ada Hayden before the race on August 31st.  Dropping them off in the Moose Lodge lobby would be great, just set them along the wall!  Also, don't forget, pancakes at the Moose on the morning of August 31st!  Thanks! “   Art Barton

Captain Midnight’s Run for Cystic Fibrosis – A Note From Jeff Margrett

“It's time for me to ask/beg for help and participation with Captain Midnight's Run for Cystic Fibrosis. This year it will be even "bigger and better" with Pepsi, Gatorade, Papa John's, and Panera so far on board for the post race.  Really cool "super-hero" style shirts for the first 250 entrants!  We may even make it an accurate 3.1 miles this year! Anyway, I will get fliers to all who want them.  I will hand them out at Vardo runs and you can register on line at: 
http://www.zapevent.com/ListActivities.aspx?eventid=224   Volunteers are also very, very welcome.  Please e-mail me for more info if needed.    Thanks, Jeff Margrett”

(Editor’s Note:  Hello, Vardo’s.  George Klotzbach here.  I wish to remind you of all the fun we had (running and/or volunteering) at this fine event last year.  Jeff’s son, Quinn, has Cystic Fibrosis, as you may recall.  Jeff is a first class member of Team Vardo, as you may recall.  I think you may see, as you may recall, where I am going with this.  So:  Drop Jeff an e-mail at jeffmargrett@hotmail.com  Operators are standing by.)


Just In Time for the Holidays - Shut Up Tape




Group Runs / Activities This Week

Tuesday:       5:30 PM: Group Run - Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts (south entrance of Ames City Hall)
Wednesday:  You probably know that Team Vardo is completely hypo-allergenic and odor-free. Fact is, we are also machine-washable.

Thursday:      5:30 PM Group Run – Ada Hayden Vardaman Memorial Heritage Ted Nugent Park (north parking lot)

Saturday:       Your RouteMaster:  I believe it is Ms. Suzy Sunshine, Kirsten Peterson (substituting for Mary S.)



Fwd: VardoGram

Next Issue of the VardoGram (excerpt from last week)

Hey, can one of you clowns send out the VardoGram next Tuesday for me?  I'll be riding on some crazy Habitat for Humanity 500 mile bike ride up in Minnesota.   I'd like to suggest having a man of Vardo handle the VardoGram duties next week, because if you let some dang woman do it, the VardoGram will be all touchy-feely, and nicey-nice, and that type of crap.  Things like, "oh, aren't Natalie's new shoes just soo cute?" and "oh, isn't Nurse Franken just the nicest person" and blah blah blah . .. . You don't want that crap. You want meat. And the VardoGram is 100% pure Angus.  Hell, we're Black Bull.  We've got the biggest . . . . horns. 


This Week's Message

We want to make sure that team Vardo is properly presented in the community as a balanced organization.  So this week's focus will be on all things feminine - the happy side of team vardo.  Please note the schedule below for clothing suggestions for each run.  In addition, I have picked up a variety of magazines for inspiration:  "Martha Stewart's guide for the everyday runner", "This Old Knee – how to repair and rebuild", "Food and Whine – recipes featuring GU".  Tips include:

  1. In honor of George, all beverages consumed this week should be garnished with a colorful paper umbrella and/or fruit.  These accoutrements make the experience much more festive.  Cheers – here's drinking to George.
  2. Take one meal this week and make sure everything is a small sized presentation, olives, grape tomatoes, cheese cubes, etc.  Then eat it with one of those little seafood forks while holding your pinky in the air and say "I'm so fancy".
  3. At the end of each run you should take a bubble bath surrounded by candlelight while playing Barry Manilow. 
  4. Bathroom breaks must be scheduled in groups to allow for gossip time.  Keep this in mind in the tight quarters of the porta-pottie
  5. Botox – it's not just for those forehead wrinkles anymore.  How do you think runners really keep their jiggle in those short shorts?  Your cellulite can't show if it can't move!

    Group Runs / Activities This Week

Tuesday:       5:30 PM Group Run – Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts  :  It's match the color of your shirt to your shoes night!
Wednesday:   Team Vardo Spa day.  Everyone bring your favorite color of nail polish.  Topic:  Finding your signature color.
Thursday:      5:30 PM Group Run – Ada Hayden.  After the run will be a quick reading of the self help book, "How Supportive Is Your Sports Bra"
Saturday:       Group Run TBA.  Your RouteMaster: The Vardo, Queen of Vardonation

Saturday's Midnight Madness Prologue

The Other Bill. He wears many hats. Judge. Juror. Executioner. RouteMaster. And now weather forecaster.
Talk about a Renaissance Man.  Hell, he could probably shoe a horse.


From: William Pattinson [mailto:wjp6838@msn.com]
Sent: 07/11/2008 9:50 AM
To: 'Klotzbach'
Subject: Saturday's Midnight Madness Prologue


Hi George: 


Would you kindly forward these links to the Vardos?  Both routes start and end at my home, 312 Wilder Blvd.  Long-haulers can start at 7:00 and the six-milers can start at 7:30.  Both courses follow the same route for the first six miles, so both groups can start and run together if desired.  Water and snacks will be available anytime after 7:00 a.m.


It looks like rain tomorrow.


The Other Bill








What do you get when you cross a moose with a hog?  (Isn’t that what The Bishop and Brother Mullins are always trying to do out at the National Animal Diseased Vardaman Center?)  Anywho, see the attached pdf.  Imagine Art-O-Rama straddlin’  this fine unit.  . . . or maybe you?


A delightful yet nutritionally-balanced note from the Wonderful World of Art the Barton:


“Don’t forget the “Gala of Spaghetti” event being held Friday, August 22nd to support our Story County Chapter of the American Cancer Society.  Last year the Vardo volunteers had a good time; remember George and Julie’s paper hats!  It would be fantastic to have another great showing of Vardo’s in the kitchen this year!  Sharon Bellinghausen, our kitchen leader, is asking me “Please, can I have those great Vardo’s back again this year!”  (see attached jpg’s)


“But wait, there’s more!  For any Vardo’s needing additional Community Service points that do not plan to enter GAAR I could sure use some "Gala of Pancakes" kitchen help on the morning of August 31st,a Sunday.  Same as last year, the GAAR award ceremony will be held at the Moose amidst a backdrop of pancakes and stuffed Moose heads.” (Editor’s note: Let’s stuff Art and “backdrop” him . .)

“Here is a link to the GAAR entry form:  http://www.greatamesadventurerace.org/2008_GAAR_brochure.pdf


“If Vardos want/can/could/will help with either of these events please email me at a.barton@mchsi.com Thanks!”

Team Vardo – Ames Area Running Club Merger?

The rumors are true.  We have CitibankSmithBarney handling the due diligence, and the boys down at the Nyemaster firm are crafting the legal crapola.  Jimmy Carter is on call to mediate the name of the merged entity.  We hope to trade beads and beaver pelts and smoke peace pipe long time.  Advice:  Sell short and stay tuned.

Next Issue of the VardoGram

Hey, can one of you clowns send out the VardoGram next Tuesday for me?  I’ll be riding on some crazy Habitat for Humanity 500 mile bike ride up in Minnesota.   Click here:  http://www.habitat500.org/    I’d like to suggest having a man of Vardo handle the VardoGram duties next week, because if you let some dang woman do it, the VardoGram will be all touchy-feely, and nicey-nice, and that type of crap.  Things like, “oh, aren’t Natalie’s new shoes just soo cute?” and “oh, isn’t Nurse Franken just the nicest person” and blah blah blah . .. . You don’t want that crap. You want meat. And the VardoGram is 100% pure Angus.  Hell, we’re Black Bull.  We’ve got the biggest . . . . horns. 

Group Runs / Activities This Week

Monday:        See Laura Judge and the new fashions for Fall at JAX Outdoors.  Ask for the Team Vardo discount. You won’t get it. But ask.
Tuesday:       5:30 PM Group Run – Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts 
Wednesday:   Use your VardoBoy anywhere, anytime. Even during boring meetings when everyone's texting below the conference table.
Thursday:      5:30 PM Group Run – Dublin Bay.  Food and drinks on the patio to follow. Surely someone will bring a route . . .. .
Saturday:       Group Run TBA.  Your RouteMaster: The Other Bill aka Judge Bill aka that wacko Hy-Vee TriGuy aka (insert whatever)
Saturday:       Midnight Warren Q. Madden Vardaman Madness
Sunday:         Chamois Butt’r Madness . .. .Oh.My.God.


Attention First Time Des Moines Marathon (Full and Half) Participants

Juice Magazine is putting together a story about people preparing for their first Des Moines marathon and half marathon.  Could this be you or someone you know? If so, please send a quick note to Friend of Team Vardo Don Muff:  donjmuff@hotmail.com

Grandma’s Marathon

The word from the street (literally) is that Greg Wool turned in a fine performance.

Just In Time For The Holidays


Group Runs / Activities This Week

Tuesday:       5:30 PM Group Run – Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts. 
Tuesday:       Happy Birthday to the Baron of Biodiesel, the Emperor of Ethanol, The Elsen of Bast, Dave Elsenbast
Tuesday:       I smell another Happy Birthday:  The man Russ Laczniak pays $25/week to be his friend, Ron Mowers
Wednesday:   Team Vardo:  Use one member as an accent ... or group several together to create a surreal and striking look.
Thursday:      5:30 PM Group Run – Ada Vardaman Warren Q. Madden Heritage Memorial Park
Saturday:       Group Run TBA.  Your RouteMaster:  Jenn Schaeffer