A Shameless Campaign Endorsement

Mike Mullins for Story County Soil and Water Commissioner.  There. I’ve said it.  I know we don’t talk politics (and most religions) in the VardoGram, but sometimes a great man steps forward to answer the call.  Mike knows soil. Mike knows water.  Hell, he can see soil and water from his front door.  He’s even worked on commission.  Never, in the history of our great County of Story, has a man been more qualified for Story County Soil and Water Commissioner than Mike Mullins.  Please join me in writing in MIKE MULLINS for Story County Soil and Water Commissioner.

Speaking of Elections

Page two of your lovely November ballot offers an opportunity to vote Yes for a fellow Vardo.  (Federal and Iowa election laws prohibit me from telling you that this Vardo’s name is William Q. Pattinson.)  So do the right thing on Election Day.  Scan the ballot for familiar names, like Bill, and darken the YES oval.  It may save your bacon come Judgment Day, so to speak. 

Group Runs / Activities This Week

Tuesday:         5:30 PM: Group Run - Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts.  RouteMaster:  The Art of Barton
Wednesday:    There will be a time when that Axl Rose impression of yours will probably do the trick.
Thursday:        5:30 PM Group Run.  Ada Vardaman Heritage Warren Q. Madden Memorial Round-Up Ready Park
Saturday:        Group Run RouteMaster:   The Assistant Mayor of Linden Drive, Christopher Q. Delaney



From The Kitchen of William Q. and Janice Z. Schmitt:  Tonight’s Route

Route options for Tuesday from City Hall:


4 miles


City Hall across Grand bridge to Northwestern Northwestern to 24th 24th to Hayes Hayes to Ridgewood Ridgewood to 13th 13th to Clark Clark to City Hall.


6 miles (with water stop at water fountain in Moore Memorial Park)


City Hall across Grand bridge to Northwestern Northwestern to 24th 24th across Stange and into Moore Memorial Park on trail Trail toward Shelter for water stop at shelter fountain Stay on the trail on the east side of the park toward Veenker (do not loop the park unless you wish) Exit trail by Veenker to Stange Stange to 13th 13th to Clark Clark to City Hall


Or combine both routes for 10 miles.  Water/Gatorade cooler provided at City Hall following.    Happy running - The Schmitts

And Here’s Sara Q. Lehman With Saturday’s Group Run Route

Here are the routes for Saturday. I've done a 12, 10 and 5 mile routes or combination of these for whatever people want to run for distance.
Starting place:  Hy-Vee East.  Gather at the north side of the parking lot near Lincoln Way.
Recommended starting time:
6:30 am for 10 or 12 mile
7:00 am for 5 miles  - 10 miler  - 12 miler  - 5 miler

Back By Popular Demand:  The Heart of Iowa Trail Group Run / Cookout

I have been reminded that it’s time again to do the kind-of-annual run on the Heart of Iowa Trail (say, 3 -5 miles or so) from the Trailhead Park or whatever it is on the north side of Slater.  This is a grill event (yourself during the run, and at the shelter afterwards). So:  If you think we can put this together for this Thursday, would you send me an email and let me know so that the Kind-Of-Annual Heart of Iowa Trail Run Committee can put together some type of plan for food / route / grill equipment / water stops / exotic dancers / etc.  There will likely be some fresh ground beef from a steer (his name was Trevor) who previously grazed upon the wild grass prairie of the Klotzbach Land & Cattle Company.


Plan on bringing something to grill (if you want something other than Trevor) and maybe some salad/dessert/chips to share.  (If the Schmitt’s attend:  BILL – REMEMBER TO BRING THE BUNS THIS TIME. THEY ARE ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER JUST WHERE JAN TOLD YOU THEY WOULD BE.)  This event will be kinda like a church picnic, except the minister and his family won’t be there and we won’t be asking for money. We do need an RSVP to determine how many pallets of ketchup and mustard are needed.


Group Runs / Activities This Week

Tuesday:         5:30 PM: Group Run - Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts.  (South Entrance – City Hall)  RouteMaster:  The Schmitt’s
Wednesday:    Enrich your kitty's diet and save your houseplants - with healthy, all-natural oat grass.  And oh, what a treat for your scalp.
Thursday:        5:30 PM Group Run.  Heart of Iowa Trailhead Grill-o-Rama (North Edge of Slater)
Thursday:        Happy Birthday to Brother Tim Moran
Friday:             Happy Birthday to Nurse Kris Franken

Saturday:        Group Run RouteMaster:   Sara Q. Lehman


The VardoGram is early this week boys, because Reverend Sarah (Klotzbach) Dickinson and I are headed up to God’s Country for a few days.
So let’s get the show on the road: 

First Up – It’s The Laczniak’s With Tuesday’s Group Run Info

“Two links (below) are the course maps.  For the ten-mile run, water and restroom facilities will be available at our house (approximately mile 4 -- 818 Idaho Ave – please stop in our backyard and say hi to our pet goat Joey).  Water and facilities are also available at the Gerdin Business Building on campus (enter via the front door and facilities and water fountains are available down a short hallway followed by  a quick left turn (rest rooms are across from the elevators)).  Here is the 10-mile map link:


The six-mile loop will have rest rooms and water available in the Gerdin Business Building (approximately mile 4.5).  Here is the link:


The 10-mile run features a tour of the “tractor graveyard” (area between Brookside Park’s baseball fields and ISU Fredrickson Court area – actually, there is a nice little trail).  It also features a tour of our neighborhood (Spring Valley) and the ISU Campus (including the infamous Gerdin Business Building, work home of yours truly).  The six-mile run has the same landmarks minus the tour of our neighborhood.”     Russ & Kathy Laczniak

Next:  Our Good Friend (and PhD Candidate) - Stacey Roberts

“In case there are any Vardo’s who would like just one more race at Brookside Park:  Heartland MPS 5K:”


How ‘Bout This From Sir Doug Bryner

“The Dairy Science Club is having a 5K at Brookside Friday 19th at 6pm as a fundraiser for memorial scholarship for one of their past members killed by a drunk driver. "Hoofin' It For Alison".

And Finally:  A Recent Press Release  From Kum & Go


WEST DES MOINES, IA  September 8, 2008 (Bloomberg BusinessWire)


Kum & Go, one of the nation’s leading convenience store chains, is providing Team Vardo with a 25% discount on all cigarettes, cigars, and snuff.  “It’s our way of thanking Team Vardo for relying on us as their tobacco headquarters throughout their training season,” said Brad Lehman, Kum & Go’s senior vice president of marketing. “We want to remind everyone that Kum & Go is a fast and convenient place to get your smokes and chew, whether it's right after a group run or right before that 5 or 10 K.  And hell, them Vardo’s – they’s good people.” 

Group Runs / Activities This Week

Tuesday:          5:30 PM: Group Run - Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts.  (South Entrance – City Hall)  RouteMaster:  The Laczniaks
Wednesday:     President Nixon.  Now more than ever.
Thursday:         5:30 PM Group Run.  Ada Hayden Vardaman Warren Q, Madden Heritage Memorial Fender Stratocaster Park

Saturday:         Group Run RouteMaster:   Brother Mullins

Thursday Night Group Run - El Azteca


Today, somebody’s gonna flip the switch on the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) over in France or Greece or one of them Scandinavian countries.  The idea is to find some bosuns or bosoms or something that is missing or small  or whatever.  Bottom line:  it’s scientific and the earth could explode and it might involve your tax dollars or hockey moms or etc. 

But if the moon doesn’t fall tonight, and if the continents don’t collide, there will be a LHC group run Thursday  night at El Azteca.  In this case, the LHC stands for Large Honkin’ Chimichangas.  Please join us as we follow the Scientific Method in observing  Father Fencl collide burritos with Coronas in his gastrointestinal tract.  Take notes as he transforms solids and liquids in to gas.

The fun begins at 5:30 PM with a fine run on the new paved path along South 16th.   Rain or shine, the show goes on.


Saturday's Run

Good lord, you hit the VardoGram “Send” button, and then you see a message from Sister Goodman:


From: Kecia Goodman []
Sent: 09/09/2008 8:04 AM
To: George klotzbach
Subject: Saturday's run


We have volunteered to host Saturday's run in place of Prof. Schultz.  As a result, we are duplicating the "Pick your distance, not your nose" event that had a great first debut about a month ago.

Starting location:  3722 Ross Road
Suggested start times:  20 miles = 5 am
                                      10-12 miles = 6:30 am
                                       6-8 miles = 7:30 am
                                       3-4 miles = 8 am





A Note from Christina Demuth

“Hello Runners! Just a reminder--Running With Heart's website is now updated and registration is open!  Running with Heart :: Home  Thanks for your support!”

Next Up:  It’s Lisa Mondt! (a/k/a Stephon’s Mom!)

“Here are links for Tuesday's run. There are two loops one 6 mile loop with a water stop at North River Valley Park at the ball diamond concession stand; and a 4 mile loop that goes through Stuart Smith & Brookside Parks with water fountains throughout.  10 milers can do both loops.”


4 mile:           6 miles

On Now To Church News:  Here’s Bishop Sacco

“At the risk of being excommunicated from Our Lady of Vardo Church, I am going to share a confession from one of our parishioners, Professor S. (Editor’s note:  To protect the anonymity of said parishioner, the name has been altered.) It was apparent that Professor S. was acting a little weird on Tuesday, even pre-run. I mentioned posterior tibial tendonitis and he mentioned something about Preparation H. I said try a little lower on the body Professor. Anyway, a post-run direct quote from the Professor: “I prefer them small and tight so they rub my nipples”.
I suggest some sort of running penance. Feel free to share with other parishioners, at your discretion of course.”  The Bishop

And Finally:  The Park to Park Half Marathon Report From Our Good Friend Kori

“It was a great morning, cool and a well run event.  There were PR’s all over the place.  I’m not sure who PR’d and who didn’t, but I think:  Mike, Tim, Kori, Mary and Natalie had PR’s.  Everyone should run this one next year!”  (Note:  This fine event was in Cedar Falls)


Mike  Mullins  1:23:59

Tim Fencl   1:35:03

Beth Henriksen  1:36:21 (1st in age group)

David Swenson 1:54:01

Hillary Olson 1:56:19

Kori Heuss 2:04:31

Mary Schrunk 2:06:57

Natalie Welter 2:08:14

Group Runs / Activities This Week

Monday:            Hit the brakes and back up, boys – we missed Paul Kallio’s birthday                              
Tuesday:          5:30 PM: Group Run - Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts.  (South Entrance – City Hall)  RouteMaster:  Lisa Mondt
Wednesday:     Remember when your dad told you to be careful because somebody's bowtie could really be a camera?
Thursday:         5:30 PM Group Run.  It might be a good time for a run and some fine eatin’ afterwards. Discuss.

Saturday:         Group Run RouteMaster:  Father Fencl (substituting for Professor Schul .. er . . . Professor S.)

Saturday Group Run

This is what I love about Team Vardo.  Someone always steps up to the plate and hits a home run:


From: Dave Elsenbast []
Sent: 09/04/2008 8:06 AM
To: George Klotzbach
Subject: RE: Saturday Group Run


We’ve got a 13 mile and 8 mile route on the schedule for Saturday. 

We’ll start it from my home, at 3218 Bayberry Road, in Northridge.  13 miles  This route starts at 3218 Bayberry Rd, route heads out to Bloomington Rd, head west as it turns into GW Carver, take a left on Cameron School Rd, take a left on North Dakota.  Look for a cooler at the 3 mile point, at Deer Run Lane.  Continue south, past Ontario, not too far from Lincoln Way, take a left on the short bike path that cuts over to Westbrook.  There will be a water stop as you come off of the bike path.  Continue on Westbrook, left onto Hickory, and a right on Woodland.  Take a left on West St, then a left on Hyland.  Go up Cemetery Hill on Pammel Drive.  Take Pammel to University and take a left on 6th St, take a waterbreak at the water next to the skateboarding park.  Take 6th up to Northwestern, take a left and go up to 24th.  Right on 24th to Grand Ave, go up to Bloomington.  I’ll have a waterstop right before Bloomington.  Take Bloomington up to GW Carver, take a left, go a block and take a right on Bayberry.   8 miles  This route heads out to Bloomington Rd, head west as it turns into GW Carver, take a left on Cameron School Rd, take a left on North Dakota.  Look for a cooler at the 3 mile point, at Deer Run Lane.  Take a left on Ontario, go to Stange Road, take a left.  There will be a waterstop behind the Somerset sign at Stange and 24th.  Continue on Stange up to Aspen Rd, take left, right on GW Carver 1 blk, then take a left on Bayberry, take up to 3218.



We’ll have start times at 6am and 7am.  Assuming most of the 13 milers would start at 6am, but 8 milers could also if they’d like.  I’ll have fruit, juice, and bagels at the finish.  It should be great fall running weather. 

George, I’m looking for about 3 Vardo coolers, if someone might let me know who’s holding, I’ll stop by and pick them up Friday night.


Dave Elsenbast



From The Founding Aunt Of Team Vardo, Kori Q. Heuss:  A Note On An Upcoming Event

The Muddy Monster Cross Country Run (formerly the Devil's Dash) is scheduled for Saturday, October 25th at Noelridge Park in Cedar Rapids. The event welcomes runners of all athletic abilities to participate in a professionally managed event. For complete details, including registration information, visit’s note: For some unexplained reason, Kori likes to thrash around in the mud. This probably dates back to her days in the Gamma Phi house at ISU.)

Madrid Labor Day Weekend Races

Father Fencl left a somewhat garbled message on the VardoPhone with word that several rostered and non-rostered staff members of the Our Lady of Vardo church turned in fine performances in Madrid this weekend. I was able to decipher that Brother Mullins, Sister Goodman, and Father Fencl (also known as That Dumbshit From Protovin) finished in the top tiers of their respective age / gender categories.  I would imagine the event was chock full of Vardo’s. A more complete report may be forthcoming as the week progresses.


No report.

GAAAAAR! Pancakes

No report.

Captain Midnight’s 5K Run/Walk for Cystic Fibrosis

When was the last time you can remember seeing so many Vardo’s at one event.  You had Vardo’s walking. You had Vardo’s running.  You had Vardo’s on the course providing directions.  You had Vardo’s at the finish line as official timers.  You had Vardo’s crawling on their bellies like reptiles. To put the icing on the cake, you had The Vardo herself live and in person directing traffic. Truly, a fine Vardo evening was had by all.  And, of course, Professor Schultz has the Team Vardo website promptly updated with a congratulatory message to the magnificent Vardo who orchestrated the whole event, Jeff Margrett.

Group Runs / Activities This Week

Tuesday:         5:30 PM: Group Run - Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts.  (South Entrance – City Hall)  RouteMaster:  Dale Weber
Wednesday:    Does freezing fish kill bacteria? Short answer -  No.
Thursday:        5:30 PM Group Run – Ada Vardaman Heritage Memorial Warren Q. Madden Pregnant Palin
Saturday:        Group Run RouteMaster:  Beth Osowski (Did I read somewhere that she moved from Ames? Is she still a Vardo?)