St. Patrick’s Day – Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts





















Photo credit:  Sister Stacey

Note how Father Fencl spilled his GatorAde all over  God’s / Steve Schainker’s creation.  Your attention is also directed to the shadows of the remaining  Vardo’s who stood and mocked those of us who GOT THE MEMO ON WEARING GREEN.   You know who you are, Nurse Franken and The Other Bill and other assorted convicted felons.

Envi-Run At Ada Hayden

A fine tidbit,  courtesy of AWOL Art Barton:

Iowa State's graduate student group GREBE (Graduate Research in  Evolutionary Biology and Ecology) is holding the 5th Annual 5K  Envi-Run and Fun Run for Kids at Ada Hayden Heritage Park on Saturday,  April 25th.  The information  and registration form is available at the following web site to download:  http://www.stuorg.iastate.edu/grebe/Envi-Run.html.  Please contact refsnij@iastate.edu if you have questions concerning this event.


Father Fencl Joins Forces With Sir Erik And The Goodman
 
“I have been recruited to run and raise funds for the same organization (Project Rwanda) in which Kecia Goodman and Erik Roys are fundraising. The event is Grandma's Marathon in Duluth, MN to take place this June. To spare you my "schpeal," I'll just ask that you consider sponsoring me in my efforts. As a reminder, the donations are encouraged to be given on a per mile basis, but any flat donations are greatly appreciated.  I recognize that our TEAM VARDO list has already seen this request from Kecia and Erik, so I apologize for you receiving yet another donation request for the same event. Thanks for your time and consideration.”     Tim Fencl

Our Lady of Vardo Church Is Moving To 1425 Maxwell Ave  (Yes, Joyce Q. Hagley:  YOUR BACK YARD)

“Hello Vardo's!  For those that do not know, on April 1 Kecia and I take possession of a home at 1425 Maxwell Ave. in Ames. We are planning to move in starting Thursday, April 9 and be completed by Saturday, April 11 by noon. We are calling on all hands interested in helping us move as your time/interest allows. Below are the time frames when we plan to move the "big stuff." (Note:  For those who have helped me move before, I have disposed of much of my heavy stuff!!!)”

Thursday, April 9:             5:30  PM  Cross-training Event - The “Move Furniture / Boxes for the Vardo's Traveling Salvation Show”  (skip Group Run)
Friday, April 10:                 2 PM until dark
Saturday, April 11:           8 AM until done

“We have a moving vehicle lined up, and hope to have most of the knick-knack type stuff moved ourselves, to make the rest of the process relatively painless.
Please contact Kecia or me if you are interested in helping us move. Any help you can provide is greatly appreciated. Word has it that my mother is cooking up some goodies for any recruits we round up. It gets my folks out of helping!!!  Thanks for considering to help us with an exciting step in our lives!”

Tim Fencl  (Father Fencl)  & Kecia Goodman  (Sister Goodman / The Goodman)


Here’s Mary With The Route For Tonight’s Group Run

“Hello Vardo warriors.  I see our trusty calendar recommends 6 and 8 miles of fun. I made some new maps for our 6 and 8 mile courses for Tuesday via Mapmyrun (blah, blah, blah)  but alas my firewalls are too great to import the maps I created.  We will use our imagination and do it the old-fashioned way.”

Here's what's in store:

6 and 8 milers begin together
Clark Ave to Pearle
Northwestern Avenue and head northish
Way North on Northwestern Avenue all the way to 30th Street
West on 30th Street to Hoover
South on Hoover to 24th Street
Water behind Somerset sign at 24th and Stange Rd.
South on Stange Rd.
South east-ish on Pammel/University
East on 6th Street
South on Northwestern
Back to the barn... i.e. Vardaman Center... 

8 milers
Instead of turning on 30th Street with the 6-milers....
Continue North on Hoover to Bloomington Rd.
West on Bloomington Rd
South on Eisenhower
West on 24th Street
Water behind Somerset sign at 24th and Stange Rd.
Continue South on Stange
University all the way to South Fourth Ave.
East on South Fourth
North on Walnut
Back to Vardaman Center

Group Runs / Activities This Week

Monday:              A birthday:  Our good friend Sara Q. Lehman, who just returned from a tree week trip to Australia and New Zealand (true)  
Tuesday:              5:30 PM  Group Run.  Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts -  Your RouteMaster:  Mary, Queen of 16^th Street  (per above)
Wednesday:      Sometimes, all that stands between you and certain death is Purell.
Thursday:            5:30 PM Group Run – Ada Vardaman Heritage Warren Q. Madden Book of Dreams Park
Friday:                  A birthday:  Our good friend Lisa Q. Mondt, who just returned from a trip to Hy-Vee (probably true)
Saturday:             Group Run.  Your RouteMaster:   Sir Richard Bundy, who just returned from a trip to Africa (true)

First Up – A  Biathlon In Nevada (Iowa)

Attached is a truly colorful brochure forwarded by our good friend and spiritual advisor, Maharishi Ronn Ritz.  The man can levitate.  I’ve seen him floating above the clouds that swirl around the Ames Power Plant, speaking words of wisdom and total enlightenment. Friends, it is a New Age at Skunk River Cycles. Peace to you and buy some GU. 


Brother Mullins:   Triathlete / USDA Certified Swine Whisperer / Craigslist Enthusiast

Good gravy, what has Mullins found now . .. . check out this fine unit:  L@@K! Exercise Machine - Jigglin' George!!


Aren’t You Glad Spring Is Here?

Yeah, me too. Especially after you see something like this:

Here’s A Bright Idea:  The Route For Saturday’s Group Run

“The 16 mile run will be two laps of the "Bright 8 Miler" starting at 1506 Glendale Avenue at 7am.  The route can be found at: http://www.usatf.org/routes/view.asp?rID=280546.  Water stops will be at Ada Hayden (South parking lot by Harrison) and at City Hall.  The six milers will start at 8:15 as the 16 milers begin their second loop.  The six mile route will be the same as the 8 mile route until they reach 20th & Hayes.  At 20th & Hayes, the 6 milers turn East on 20th until they reach George Allen.  Then South on George Allen to Maxwell Ave, then east to Glendale Avenue & back to the start.  The 6 mile loop may be a little long.  There will be baked oatmeal, fruit, coffee, juice, etc. available around 9:15 as the first runners finish up their run.”  Mike Wheelock & Brenda Bright


Group Runs / Activities This Week

Tuesday:         5:30 PM  Group Run.  Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts -  Your RouteMaster:  Jody Gatewood
Wednesday:    Modern Art = I Could Do That + Yeah, But You Didn’t
Thursday:        5:30 PM Group Run – Ada Vardaman Heritage Warren Q. Madden Beware Of Roaming Mutant Females State Park
Saturday:        Group Run.  Your RouteMaster:   The Wheelock / Bright Consortium (per above)

First Up:  The Bradshaws With News from Team Vardo East

“We received an Ames Park District booklet in the mail last week. Unfortunately, we must decline signing up for Team 12.4 again, as it's too long of a commute.”

“We recently learned that the inaugural Illinois Marathon will be passing by our house on April 11. We're located between miles 22 and 23. http://illinoismarathon.com If any Vardo is running this race, we'll be sure to wave they go sweatily by. We also would be able to host a person / skinny couple on our futon if desired, and our shower would be available too (we have 2 showerheads in our ginormous tub!)”

(Editor’s Note:  These fine animals moved to the high plains of Illinois last year.  We miss Dr. Jeff Bradshaw and Mrs. Dr. Jeff Bradshaw .. sniff . . )


 Would It Be A VardoGram Without Something From Art Barton?

“George, I've heard the spokes are turning for a Vardo bike branch, here's a couple interesting routes!”    http://www.letour.fr/indexPNC_us.html

(Editor’s Note:  Art is making good progress with his brief incarceration.  Cards and well wishes may be sent to: Cromwell Unit, State Mental Health Institute. PO Box 26.2, Independence, IA  50644.  Please do not include sharp objects with any correspondence.)


Get Your Garmins!  Get Your CatEye Bike Computers!  It’s A Free Lunch! 

Would you like a $15 gift certificate to the Ames restaurant of your choice?  Well, then be sure to enter Team Vardo’s Four on the Fourth Create-The-Routes Free Lunch Contest.  Here’s what we need:  Two routes (one 4 mile and one 4K) that start and end at the north shelter house at Ada Hayden Heritage Park.  (The routes don’t need to be exactly 4.000 miles or 4.000 K, but damn close.)  Upland Trails, figure eights, whatever.  Just stay within in the confines of the Park, and stay on the trails/paths. (Stay out of the lakes – this ain’t GAAR).

Submit your routes by May 1st to George Klotzbach or Art Barton, and YOU COULD BE A WINNER of what the professional literature refers to as a DDE (Deluxe Dining Experience)!  Think of how many damn Flying Burritos or Subway Tuna Fish Surprise sandwiches or Happy Meals you could gorge on for FIFTEEN BUCKS, man.  Enter early and enter often!


Hey, Look:  Here’s Barb Wheelock With The Routes For Tonight’s Group Run

“People can get water at Hawthorne Cafe and again at Lied Rec Center. Remind everyone to wear their green or prepare to be pinched.” 
Barbara Q. Wheelock

5 mile route    www.usatf.org/routes/view.asp?rID=277485 

Community Center to Main
Main to Northwestern up to 13th
west on 13th to Hyland - water at Hawthorne Cafe
Hyland to Pammel
Pammel to Stange
south on Stange to Osborn
east on Osborn to Wallace
south to Lied and bike path - water at Lied
bike path/6th street to Northwestern to Main
home again, home again clippity clop

7 mile route    www.usatf.org/routes/view.asp?rID=277486

Community Center to Main
Main to Northwestern up to 13th
west on 13th to Hyland - water at Hawthorne Cafe
Hyland to Union Drive
east on Union to Wallace
Wallace to Lied and bike path - water at Lied
bike path/6th to Brookridge
Brookridge/Ridgewood to 16th
16th to Northwestern
Northwestern to main to CC


Barb Wheelock - Little Rock Marathon Report

“Brenda (Bright) did GREAT!  A PR on a very tough course - I on the other hand finished, for which I'm am happy and we both got those HUGE medals - I couldn't even wear mine because it cut off circulation to my brain.”  Barb Wheelock

And In Other News - It’s A Vardo In Today’s Des Moines Register

Our good friend Hillary Olson on the Editorial Page.

Group Runs / Activities This Week

Tuesday:         5:30 PM  Group Run.  Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts -  Your RouteMaster:  Barb O’Wheelock
Wednesday:    “I love everybody and I love everything.”  Father  McFencl
Thursday:        Well, shoot the horse and paint me red:  It’s Art McBarton’s Birthday.      
Thursday:        5:30 PM Group Run – Ada Vardaman Heritage Warren Q. Madden I’d Pay Serious Money To Kick Rush Limbaugh’s Fat Ass Park
Saturday:        Group Run.  Your RouteMaster:   Sir Greg McWool

Art Barton Says

“Thanks to all for supporting the JDRF "Walk for the Cure"; $835 was raised!  And to Bill P., no I did not walk it backwards”  Art Q. Barton

Cowtown Marathon Report

“I made it!!  It was actually a very eventful weekend, but the short version is that I completed my first marathon in 5:03:09, despite the weather conditions.  It was 36 degrees at the start of the race with 35 mph winds out of the north…normally, this would not be too terrible, but I packed for 60 degree weather with very little winds, and we ran north A LOT (my guess is that for more than half the race we were headed directly into the wind.  All in all though, the course was beautiful, the volunteers and course support was amazing and the schwag included three shirts and a super cool finishers medal.  AND, yes, I do fully intend to do it again next year.”  Sister Kirstin Peterson

Art Barton:  Avid Reader / Intercourser

“Here’s an interesting tidbit:  Do you realize that what we call VardoGrams today would have been referred to as Epistolary Intercourse last century!   In a book I’m currently reading, “The Annals of the Poor” by the Rev. Legh Richmond and published in 1842, the term Epistolary Intercourse is used with reference to a series of letters between people or groups pertaining to social activity!”   Art Q. Barton

(Editor’s Note:  Thank you, Art. Now go wash up, I hear your mother calling you for supper . . .)

Professor Schultz With A Fine Community Service Idea.  Thoughts?

“Would there be any Vardos interested in getting together for a trash pickup? http://www.veishea.iastate.edu/apply.php?app=service_day
This might be nice to make Ames more beautiful and a better place to run!”   Thomas Q. Schultz, Professor


And Now:  Our Friend Sister Kirstin With A Fine Ironman Challenge Idea

“Here’s an event that could be easily adapted to a Team Vardo Ironman Challenge if anyone is interested.  It’s an Ironman of sorts, for us the rest of us…you know the “normal” Vardo’s.   Anyway, it’s just a thought.”   Sister Kirstin

1st Annual Norm Waitt Sr.  IRONMAN Challenge
Complete a full Ironman in 2 weeks. 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike, and a 26.2 mile run in 14 days! Participants will tally their mileage outside the wellness office and receive a t-shirt for completing the IRONMAN! Challenge begins March 15th and concludes March 28th.


Tim Rasmussen’s Mom

On a serious note, Vardo Tim Rasmussen’s mother was recently diagnosed with cancer and it has spread to her lymph nodes. She had surgery at the Mayo Clinic and is now recuperating at home. In April, she will begin chemotherapy. Notes of encouragement and updates on her progress are posted at www.supportcircle.com (search for Rasmussen, and it will take you to her page). 

Group Runs / Activities This Week

Monday:          A fine birthday:  Sir Erik Roys
Tuesday:       5:30 PM  Group Run.  Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts -  Your RouteMaster:  Brother Mullins
Wednesday:   There are days when accelerated depreciation will tax my pea brain — though not my big fat thinking cap.
Thursday:      Happy Birthday Sister Goodman
Thursday:      5:30 PM Group Run – Ada Vardaman Heritage Warren Q. Madden Leftover Tuna Casserole Park
Friday:          What is this, birthday week?  Here’s another:  Mary, Queen of 16^th Street
Saturday:       Group Run.  Your RouteMaster:  Dale Weber, Esq.

Bishop Sacco;  Five Decades Of Rock and Roll

Brother Mullins reports:  “I have it on good authority that the Bishop, one Randy J. Felsenstein Hammersmith Sacco, is now 50 years old.”


Tuesday’s Fine Group Run Routes – Taylor Made

“Here are the routes for Tuesday, should be a sunny balmy 36 degrees!”   Megan Taylor

http://www.usatf.org/routes/view.asp?rID=89207


And Now: Here’s The Vardo

A. Saturday's Route info: Run starts at 8am at Panera.  

6-mile route: Follow the 14-mile route below to Beyer Hall for a drink out of their fine water fountains, then return back the same way you just came!  

7-mile route: Follow the 14-mile route below to Beyer Hall for a drink out of their fine water fountains, then continue on with them to the Community Center for another drink, then back to Panera. 

14-mile route: http://www.usatf.org/routes/view.asp?rID=275418. Water stops are at miles 3 (Beyer Hall), 6 (Community Center), 10 (Beyer Hall again). The route doubles back on itself in a couple of areas. Basically it is as follows: Panera to University to Lincolnway to Beyer. Beyer to Ontario/13th to Northwestern to the Community Center. Community Center to Duff to 13th Street to Hyland to Beyer. Beyer to Hayward to Mortensen to University to South 3rd to Panera.  

RouteMaster Vardaman will most likely not be there, so please print a map for yourselves, if needed.  

B. Tonight after the run (6:30pm in the Community Center lunchroom), if there are any Team 12.4 graduates who would like to share a little something about their experiences in Team 12.4, I would love to have you stop by the annual Team 12.4 Informational Meeting to help recruit this year's crop of runners. You may come in your running gear; don't feel that it is necessary to change. You will be first on the agenda, so you can get out of there ASAP.   

C. Please welcome Ms. Kecia Goodman as the new Assistant Coach of Team 12.4 (this might require an elevation in her status from Sister to Assistant Mother)! Coach Kecia will be leading some of the group runs and educational sessions. She rocks!     

D. Check out Team Vardo's own Bill Pattinson (aka "The Other Bill") as the Zoom Performance Featured Athlete of the Month: www.getzoomperformance.com! 


Thelma and Louise Go to Kansas

“Mary and I are planning to go to Lawrence, KS for the Lynn Electric Kansas Half Marathon April 19th.  Anyone wishing to go, please let us know.  This is a great trial for Dam to Dam - three great hills!  There is also a 10K and a 5K - next year they plan to add a full marathon.”
Natalie (of The North) Welter and Mary (Queen of 16^th Street) Schrunk)


Hey Look:  Sister Kirstin In Last Week’s Paper

Group Runs / Activities This Week

Sunday:           Bishop Randy Sacco reached the half century mark. (Applause light on.)
Tuesday:         5:30 PM  Group Run.  Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts -  Your RouteMaster:  Megan from Idaho
Wednesday:    Everyone ought to believe in something; I believe I’ll have the El Azteca Special.
Thursday:        5:30 PM Group Run – Ada Vardaman Heritage Warren Q. Madden DNR Approved Manure Management Plan Park
Saturday:        Group Run.  Your RouteMaster:  Our Mother, who art The Vardo