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Attention First Time Des Moines Marathon (Full and Half) Participants

Juice Magazine is putting together a story about people preparing for their first Des Moines marathon and half marathon.  Could this be you or someone you know? If so, please send a quick note to Friend of Team Vardo Don Muff:  donjmuff@hotmail.com


Grandma’s Marathon

The word from the street (literally) is that Greg Wool turned in a fine performance.

Just In Time For The Holidays

Lkl



Group Runs / Activities This Week

Tuesday:       5:30 PM Group Run – Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts. 
Tuesday:       Happy Birthday to the Baron of Biodiesel, the Emperor of Ethanol, The Elsen of Bast, Dave Elsenbast
Tuesday:       I smell another Happy Birthday:  The man Russ Laczniak pays $25/week to be his friend, Ron Mowers
Wednesday:   Team Vardo:  Use one member as an accent ... or group several together to create a surreal and striking look.
Thursday:      5:30 PM Group Run – Ada Vardaman Warren Q. Madden Heritage Memorial Park
Saturday:       Group Run TBA.  Your RouteMaster:  Jenn Schaeffer

 


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Route for Tonight’s Group Run

3 miles www.usatf.org/routes/view.asp?rID=222899
 
7 miles www.usatf.org/routes/view.asp?rID=222903
 
Water at 3722 Ross Road by the gate to the back yard. See Kecia Goodman w/questions regarding the route. I will not be there.
 
Sincerely,
Father Fencl


Light One Up, Iowa (But not after June 30th)

Here’s a fine item from Vardo Deb Martinez: 
http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/im_training_to_ruin_a_marathon


Mary Schrunk – Cutting Edge Performance

Next time you see the Queen of 16th Street, be sure to ask her about gaining a competitive edge by wearing your running top inside out.
(Has anyone one ever heard of the brand name 32AA?  That’s what the tag said, anyway . .)
 

I Miss The Bradshaw’s

And so do you. But you’re not man enough to admit it.  Attention Bradshaw’s:  If you are reading this on your satellite text phone, Mother Vardo is calling and wants you to move back to Ames.

Group Runs / Activities This Week

Tuesday:       5:30 PM Group Run – Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts (see routes above)
Wednesday:   Please take a moment to reflect on the words of Patch the Pony:  "Neighhh! Neighhh! - From strangers, stay awayyyy!”

Thursday       5:30 PM Group Eat - El Azteca  (Friends/Spouses/Neutered Farm Animals welcome to attend Cinco de Twenty Six-O Juno)
Friday:          Don’t get fleeced - It’s Greg Wool’s birthday! 
Saturday:       Group Run:  Your RouteMaster -  The Duke of Ferndale, Sir Craig Walter


VardoGram: Special IronVardaMan Collector's Edition
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Ford Ironman USA Coeur d'Alene
Coeur d'Alene, Idaho • June 22, 2008

JULIE VARDAMAN   jvardo@gmail.com

BIB

AGE

STATE/COUNTRY

PROFESSION

1881

32

AMES IA USA

PERSONAL TRAINER

 

SWIM

BIKE

RUN

OVERALL

RANK

DIV.POS.

1:19:32

7:19:04

5:04:19

13:57:22

1381

68

http://liveupdate.ironmanlive.com/ppv/images/spacer.gif




 

 

 


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9 Habits of Highly Annoying Fitness Club Users

As described in a June 9, 2008 post on Newsweek's website:

1. The Sauna Stovetop  A manager at a New York Sports Club was walking through the women's locker room a few years ago when she smelled cheese. Puzzled, she opened the door to the sauna, where a woman had placed bread and cheese on the hot rocks to make a postworkout grilled cheese sandwich. "Not only was it a health code violation, it was not really respectful to the other people in the sauna," says NYSC PR director Linda Hufcut. "She said, 'I do this all the time.' That was, obviously, the last time she ever did it.'"

2. Nude Fitness?  A couple of visitors to a Gold's Gym in Paramus, N.J., decided to get naked and weigh themselves before they started working out. The two men didn't seem daunted by the fact that the scale was outside the locker room. They hung out by the scale, in full view of the other, clothed patrons, until a manager asked them to put some clothes on. They told Mike Epstein, the gym's owner, that they did that sort of thing all the time at their home gym. Perhaps they meant "home gym" as in the one in their basement.

3. Creative Blow-Drying  A man in a California Crunch gym decided that the best way to dry out his sweaty shoes was to stick a hair dryer in each of them while he took his after-workout shower. He was shocked when managers asked him to cease and desist. "He said, 'I didn't even realize I shouldn't be doing this'," says Keith Worts, chief operating officer of Crunch, a national fitness chain.

4. Downward Dog?  At another Crunch location a man had a habit of taking a yoga class while wearing shorts without underwear. He was more than happy to correct his faux pas as soon as managers made him aware that other members were uncomfortable with the view they were getting.

5. Work Out, Sleep In  Some people get a little too relaxed at the gym. Gold's Gym managers have reported finding customers who fell asleep in the tanning facility and didn't wake up until the gym was closed, as well as customers who fell asleep on the bench press in between sets.

6. Killer Karaoke  It's common and profoundly annoying: gym goers get carried away listening to their music players. Before they know it they've treated everyone in the room to an off-key rendition of "... Baby One More Time." "I call it karaoke gone bad, because there is no background music and they're singing at the top of their lungs," says Harry Reo, a regional vice president for 24 Hour Fitness.

7. Talking (Too Much of) the Talk  Fed up with people gabbing on their cell phones as they used the elliptical, many gyms have banned cell phones around workout equipment and designated areas for patrons to make calls. Still, people forget. "There's nothing worse than running on the treadmill and having someone next to you conducting an extremely loud conversation," says Hufcut, who's seen some people use walkie-talkies while on the treadmill.

8. Sweat Sins  It seems basic, but enough people forget to wipe down their equipment after using it that this was one of the four deadly gym sins included on an informational video NYSC taped a few years ago. During the segment a careless gymgoer didn't dry off his machine; when he stood up, the entire machine was covered in dripping goo.

9. Scrimmage to Scuffle It's only logical that testosterone can run high at the gym, and sometimes managers need to break up altercations on the basketball court, says Nancy Pattee Francini, co-founder and president of the Sports Club/LA, which has 10 locations around the country. "Those guys, when they're playing basketball, can get into fights," she says. "They're not terrible fights—we're a high-end club."


Group Runs / Activities This Week

Tuesday:       5:30 PM Group Run – Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts
Wednesday:   Team Vardo:  Now serving everyone from Russ Laczniak to your Wiccan cousin out in New Mexico.

Thursday:      5:30 PM  -  CardioVardio – Hilton Coliseum parking lot
Thursday       5:30 PM Group Run -  Ada Vardaman Heritage Memorial Warren Q. Madden Park
Saturday:       Group Run sponsored by the Klotzbach Distance Project:  7 AM meet at 1411 Linden Drive (use gate at south end of street)
Sunday:         Section 529.602 of the Iowa Code established today as Bill (The Other Bill) Pattinson’s birthday
Sunday:         Hy-Vee Triathlon / Iron Vardaman Coeur d’ Alene Idaho – Best Wishes and Famous Potatoes to The Vardo

 


Saturday's Routes
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A Fine Message From Nurse Van Den Franken:


I realize many Vardos have running engagements scheduled for this weekend. However, if you are not committed to a race or other summer doings, you are welcome to join either a 10-mile run or a 4 mile run starting at 2115 McCarthy Rd. located just west of the football stadium off Beach Ave. I promise not to make you turn and cough.

 

Start time (you can groan now) is 0600 for 10 mile and 0700 for the 4-mile loop. Water fountain at Daley Park in west Ames is marked on the map at 3 miles. I forgot to mark the 2nd water stop at about the 6-mile marker at Country Club Blvd and Gaskill Rd (Gatorade and water in marked cooler). Light breakfast fare will be served after the glorious run.  If we don’t see you at McCarthy on Saturday, Happy Flag Day and Good Luck at your race. Way to represent! Oh and give a shout out to all the Dad’s out there, Happy Father’s Day.

 

http://www.usatf.org/routes/view.asp?rID=219367 10 miles starts at 06    

 

 

http://www.usatf.org/routes/view.asp?rID=219374  4 miles starts at 07


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Hope Run
Hey Vardo’s – this Saturday is the Hope Run right here in Ames at Inis Grove Park.  With gas at $4/gallon, why not do something local?  (Hell, it’s cheaper to fill your car’s tank with Benjamin Moore paint.)  See the attached pdf for information and registration info for this fine event. 

Now In Stock at the VardoStore™:  Matchsticks

Rtew5436
Don’t let your outfit go up in flames — to the rescue are Matchsticks. This purse-ready book of clear double-stick tape strips can fix any peek-a-boo bra strap, slipped-down slingback, bursting button-down, gaping wrap dress, fallen hem, jock strap, dropped tube top or shifty skirt (and so on and so on)… Remember, only you can prevent fashion fires.


Summer Clearance Sale – VardoStore™ Factory Outlet
We’re clearing the warehouse, cutting out the middleman, and passing the savings on to you!  We’re up to the rafters with deluxe 8 x 10’s of The Bishop drinking a fine mug of HolyGatorAde (see attached), and we’re offering them at the unheard of price of three for $1.  Stock up and save!


Group Runs / Activities This Week

Tuesday:       5:30 PM Group Run – Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts
Tuesday:       Happy Birthday to our good friend and fellow Vardo, Margaret Epplin
Wednesday:   If your neurons are well enough developed, you will notice the pounds melting off before you can say Bill’s your uncle.

Thursday:      5:30 PM  -  Cardio Vardio, location TBA   /   Group Run: Ada Vardaman Heritage Memorial Warren Q. Madden Park??
Saturday:       Your RouteMaster:  Nurse Franken.  Turn your head and cough.




 


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Mullins Needs A Stick

Hello Vardo Universe.  (The Vardoverse?  Vardoversity?) 

I have the unique opportunity to transport my friend's new convertible from Florence, IT to Nice, FR in mid-July.  It's a manual transmission though, and my experience with manual is limited. In order to gain the experience necessary to drive in Europe, I would like to temporarily trade my car for an old manual transmission vehicle.  Can you help me? 

You get my 2003 Chevy Impala -- with a full tank of ga$ -- to drive at your pleasure.  I just washed and vacuumed it, changed the oil, rotated the tires, and Windexed the windshield.  I'm a safe driver -- no tickets in the last six years, no accidents ever, fully insured, etc.  I'll take care of your car, return it with a full tank of gas, and change your oil and oil filter for you.  Hell, I'll even bake you cookies. 

Can anyone help me live my European vacation getaway dream?  I'd really, really appreciate it. Grazie!    Brother Mullins


From Dave “E-85” Elsenbast:  Saturday’s Route


Below is the route for Saturday, June 7th.  We'll start at my house, 3218 Bayberry Road, which is Northridge, at 7am.  This is a 4 mile loop and for those wishing to do 8 miles, can do it twice.  Water stop will be at my house after the first loop.  Bagels, juice and coffee supplied after the run. 

Route description: Bayberry to Bloomington, east to Eisenhower, south to 24th St, to Stange, south to Veenker GC, through Moore Park, Ridgetop Road back to Bayberry.

www.usatf.org/routes/view.asp?rID=217223


Where Can I Recycle My Running Shoes?

Right here:

Nike Recycling Center

c/o Reuse-A-Shoe

26755 SW 95th Ave.

Wilsonville, OR 97070

 

Maybe we could gather up a bunch and send in a pallet of Puma’s / a container of Converse’s / a shitload of Saucony’s / etc.
Check it out:   Let Me Play » Reuse-A-Shoe


Group Runs / Activities This Week

Tuesday:              5:30 PM Group Run – Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts
Wednesday:      The 2008 Merriam-Webster dictionary defines Team Vardo as "a social network connecting you to farm and garden."

Thursday:            5:30 PM  -  Can we please, please, have a group run out at Ada Vardaman Heritage Memorial Warren Q. Madden Park . .
Saturday:             7:00 AM Group Run – 3219 Bayberry Road (per above).  Bring some used cooking oil, and Dave will make us a few barrels o’ biodiesel.
Sunday:               Be sure to wish  Tim Rasmussen a Happy Birthday!

 


VardoGram - Special Dam to Dam Edition
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VardoGram Subscription Renewal Offer – Last Call

A final reminder that you must email  Kecia kecia_goodman@yahoo.com before May 31  to let her know that you wish to be a RouteMaster.  This pays for a one-year subscription to the weekly VardoGram and a backstage pass to the annual Team Vardo Awards Banquet in December.  Please note that you must be on Kecia’s RouteMaster schedule to receive the weekly VardoGram.  To ensure uninterrupted service, please e-mail Kecia today! 


Speaking of RouteMasters . . .

See attached Training Calendar for June (courtesy of The Goodman).


From Tim Gartin, Esq:


“Random idea. I met the weight lifting coach at ISU for all non-football sports. Very nice guy. This got my thinking that it might be fun to line up a few speakers for Vardo on topics like weight lifting for runners, nutrition, periodization, injury prevention / rehab., racing, cross training, etc. A lot of this stuff is in Runners World and Running Times, but it would be nice to have a forum where we could ask questions. I would be happy to coordinate a few of these as test balloons, something like we did with Team 12.4. For example, I bet Bill Bergan (former ISU track coach) would be happy to talk to us. Maybe after the first Thursday run of the month Julie could get the break room for us at city hall for 45 minutes. My feelings won't be hurt if this is a silly idea.” 

(Editor’s Note:  What a silly idea, Tim.  Anyway:   I would like to suggest having at least one or more clinics at a  venue that offers appropriate carb loading, such as the clinics we used to have at Valentino’s and El Azteca.)


Ames to Dam To Dam To Ames

Maybe you’d like to reserve your seat now in the mostly luxurious accommodations of the 6 or 7 passenger Honda Pilot (more cup holders than a 747). Maybe you’d like to pick up my D2D packet, thus reserving the front passenger seat.  Maybe you’d like to catch a ride with me Saturday morning at the Best Western Starlite (or whatever the hell it is now) and arrive in downtown Des Moines to catch the train to the start of the run.  Maybe you have other arrangements for transportation.  All I know is that I’ll leaving from the east parking lot of the Best Western Whatever Warren Q. Madden motel out on east 13th at 4:45 AM on Saturday morning, and will pack several Vardo’s into el Piloto.  Including the Vardo of Honor who retrieves and presents me with my race packet (?)


Group Runs / Activities This Week

Tuesday:              5:30 PM Group Run – Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts
Wednesday:      Should tires have an expiration date?  Would you want to be left  hanging by a tread?

Thursday:            5:30 PM Annual Pre Dam to Dam Feed – House of Vardo
Thursday:            Hey look, it’s JFK’s birthday and Bob Hope’s birthday and Ronn Ritz’s birthday   
Friday:                  5:30 PM Heap O’ Pizza Night / Bradshaw Farewell  -  314 E 6th St.   Load a box, grab a slice. Repeat.




Subscription Renewal Reminder
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A reminder that your subscription to the VardoGram expires soon (May 31, 2008).

 

If you wish to renew for another year and have not already done so, please send an e-mail to Kecia kecia_goodman@yahoo.com  and let her know that you wish to renew your subscription.  The annual cost is agreeing to be a RouteMaster.  Truly a bargain at twice the price or whatever / something like that.

 

Thank you.

VardoGram Subscription Fulfillment Services
(A wholly-owned subsidiary of Team Vardo)


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From The Bradshaws:   Saturday’s Group Run    (start time TBA – Father Fencl Suggests Right After 6 AM Mass)

7 miles on Saturday 5/24:   http://www.usatf.org/routes/view.asp?rID=214560

1. start at the soon-to-be-formerly-known-as-Bradshaw-abode 314 E 6th St
2. north on Crawford/Maxwell
3. east on E 14th St
4. north on Meadowlane and up the $%#@ Carr Pool Hill
5. west on 20th
6. north/west on Duff
7. west on 24th
8. south a couple miles on Jensen / Clark (water available at City Hall)
9. west on S 3rd
10. take bike path south to 16th street and turn yourself around (hokey pokey optional)
11. bike path north
12. east on S 3rd
13. north on Clark
14. east on 6th to finish

Beverages & fuel await you at the end.


Cross-Training Opportunity On Friday 5/30/08

“The Bradshaws could use some many hands to help make light work of moving. We will be carrying boxes & furniture downstairs to the truck all day, and plan to order a heap o' pizza around 6pm. Stop by Friday afternoon (Editor’s Note:  the 30th, not this Friday . . . address:  314 E 6th St.) after work for a little cross-training on the stairs & pizza treat. We'd love to see you before we move to Chambana.”    Dr. and Mrs. Bug


John Moran Update

Last week, Story County Deputy Laura Judge successfully talked Mayor Moran into leaving Cult 12.4 to rejoin Team Vardo.  However, at last report, The Mayor had relapsed and was heard chanting, “Yes Julie.  Yes Julie.”


Does Running Outdoors Burn More Calories?

Dfsdtrweq

Source:  Anahad O'Connor, in his "Really?" column in the May 6, 2008 New York Times Science section

The Claim: Running Outdoors Burns More Calories

The Facts: Pavement or treadmill? Most avid runners have a strong preference for one or the other, but how do the two differ in producing results?

According to several studies, the answer is not so simple. Researchers have found in general that while outdoor running tends to promote a more intense exercise, running on a treadmill helps reduce the likelihood of injury, and thus may allow some people to run longer and farther.

A number of studies have shown that in general, outdoor running burns about 5 percent more calories than treadmills do, in part because there is greater wind resistance and no assistance from the treadmill belt. Some studies show, for example, that when adults are allowed to set their own paces on treadmills and on tracks, they move more slowly and with shorter strides when they train on treadmills.

But other studies show that treadmill exercisers suffer fewer stress injuries in the leg. One study published in 2003 in the British journal of sports medicine, for example, analyzed a group of runners and found significantly higher rates of bone strain and tension during pavement running than during treadmill running, particularly in the tibia, or shinbone. This increased strain can heighten the risk of stress fractures by more than 50 percent, the study found.

The Bottom Line: Studies suggest that running on pavement generally burns slightly more calories, but also raises the risk of stress fractures.

Group Runs / Activities This Week

Tuesday:              5:30 PM Group Run – Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts. 
Wednesday:      Fun Fact:  Your brain is 10 times bigger than the brain of a Tyrannosaurus Rex. 

Thursday:            5:30 Cardio-Vardio.  Ada Hayden Vardaman Warren Q. Madden Heritage Memorial Park
Thursday:            5:30 PM Father Fencl’s Initiation Run - Latter Day Vardo Church and Fitness Center
Saturday:             Your RouteMaster(s):  Bradshaw Klan Farewell Tour  (per above)
Monday:              Hey, look Vardo’s:   It’s Natalie of the North’s birthday
Monday:              5:30 PM 2008 Hill Climb Farewell Tour -  Meet at House of Mullins, corner of 24th & Hayes (beware of tortoise in kiddie pool)



 


Saturday's Run
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Friends of Vardo -  A message from deep within the bowels of Subway Development:

We will be starting at 7:30am in the parking lot behind The Cafe.  Water stops will be provided at 1106 Johnson (approximately mile 6 - brown row townhouse with 2 red stars hanging by the garage door...will be on your left side as you run by, shortly after turning onto Johnson off of Kennedy), Brookside Park water fountain (approximately mile 10), and at the finish back at The Cafe.  I have also been told that The Cafe offers just the right amount of post run carb loading for anyone interested in staying for breakfast.  (Editor’s Note:  The Café also offers just the right amount of part time employment for Klotzbach The Younger, a/k/a, Chef John-Claude.)

 

The link to the route is:

 

 

Written directions are:

  • North on Stange
  • East on Bloomington/Top-O-Hollow
  • North on Dawes
  • 1 Outside loop around Ada Hayden
  • South on Dawes/Grand Ave
  • West on 30th
  • South on Ferndale, then immediately West on Kennedy
  • South-ish on Johnson (look left, 4 houses for water stop!)
  • South on Northwestern
  • East on 20th
  • South on Duff
  • West on 5th
  • South on Pearle (by Vardaman Center for Arts...this street has an official name, but I make a motion to rename it Vardo Drive)
  • West-ish on Main/Northwestern
  • West on 6th (don't forget to hydrate at Brookside)
  • Northwest-ish on Elwood (oops, I mean University...my bad)
  • North on Stange
  • East on Bristol
  • North on Kent
  • Back to Parking Lot for H2O, Gatorade, and gourmet breakfast (as desired...bring own money for gourmet breakfast, I just got the bill for Kindergarten registration and am currently unable to provide breakfast for everyone, sorry Charlie...all donations may be directed to the "Jakob Emerhoff Peterson goes to a "free" public school that charges for every little thing possible fund" :))

Anyone with questions is more than welcome to contact me either via email (kpeterson@iowasubwaydev.com or kirstinkpeterson@hotmail.com) or phone (290-1526).  Kirstin Peterson

 


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Group Runs / Activities This Week

Tuesday:              5:30 PM Group Run – Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts. 
Wednesday:      “You can argue with me but you can't argue with figures:  Two half nuthins is a whole nuthin'.”
Thursday:            5:30 Cardio-Vardio.  Meeting location:  I forgot. 
Thursday:            5:30 Father Fencl’s Run From The Immigration and Customs Enforcement Agents.  Vardaman Center for the Performing Arts
Saturday:             Your RouteMaster(s):  Bradshaw Klan / Kirsten Peterson
Monday:              5:30 PM – Fletcher Hill Taper.  Meet at Casa de Mullins, corner of 24th & Hayes